Bumblebees and Persistence

It's already been a week since my last post, and it seems like on the one hand, time has flown by, but on the other, it's been a month of struggle compressed into such a short time.

Before I get into the super serious stuff, an update is in order. The blister is healing up about as well as one could hope. No infections, but the top layer of skin is dead and peeling off. I've had to use my Leatherman tool's scissors to trim away the dead tissue from time to time, and use a bandage to protect the tender layer beneath. It's no fun.

I also managed to mow one of my neighbor's underground sprinkler heads. I found a replacement for about $20, but I haven't installed it yet. That will be a bit of a chore, but I have the tools I should need.

I also took more pictures of her rosebush, this time with a bumblebee burrowing into the middle of one of the blossoms. I also shared it as a snap. I won't share the less pretty picture here, though.

I'm honestly surprised any of my snapshots turned out even halfway decently. There was a breeze making everything sway, the little guy was turning in circles the whole time, and using a smartphone for macrophotography is not always ideal.

A few days ago, I started writing a post about the recent immigration riots, but it already feels like that's old news. Before that issue completely fades into the background, I have to say that while I reject the xenophobic nationalism of MAGA and even some inexplicable elements of libertarianism, I have a hard time finding allies on the American Left who just a few years ago wanted people like me censored or even imprisoned for dissenting with COVID policies.

The recent protests say, "no kings," but by and large they're only upset about this regime, not the system or its ever-growing power. I say instead, "no king but Christ." I don't want this image I made to go to waste, so I'll add it here. If you still want the full essay, comment and let me know, but it's not as if I haven't written relevant posts before.

I will also add this excerpt from the draft, because it's an evergreen issue.

Protests tend to be used as a cover by people who want to break things, steal, and hurt people. Any excuse will serve their ends, and this is no different. These violent people are an easy scapegoat for anyone who wants to criticize the entire protest movement. Sometimes it also appears agents provocateur from government or non-government organizations may be steering these violent acts as well, although I am making no specific claims about this event. Whatever the cause, such actions are always used to delegitimize whatever complaint sparked the mass movement in the first place.

If arson, vandalism, and assault are derailing the debate, don't fall for guilt by association as a dismissive tactic.

Now it looks like war with Iran might be right around the corner. It's been almost 24 years since September 11th, 2001, and the W-era jingos promptly called Iran, Iraq, and North Korea the "Axis of Evil" despite exactly 0 of the named terrorists being from those countries. General Wesley Clark eventually revealed, "we’re going to take out seven countries in five years, starting with Iraq, and then Syria, Lebanon, Libya, Somalia, Sudan and, finishing off, Iran.” It's been more than five years, but that checklist still looks like it's the agenda, and I suppose no one should be surprised when government projects go over-budget and over-schedule.

As I said in a snap, I'm deeply suspicious of Israel's excuse for attacking Iran. Netanyahu has been insisting Iran was on the verge of nuclear weapons for decades now, yet they've been under intense international scrutiny with zero corroborating evidence. I'm not saying the Iran government is good by any stretch. It's a political class of plunder and repression which differs from all other governments only in degree, not kind. The same applies to Israel.

Last but not least, it's been almost six months since I resigned from the library. Six months of wrestling with health problems, grief, regret, anger, and more. I won't go into the whole thing here, but suffice to say my personal battle has been a stalemate at best. Victories seem few and far between.

I'm making slow progress toward my intended departure on an epic road trip, but I have no timetable. There's so much to do, and I have so little energy to use each day. My sleep cycle has been completely chaotic, my dreams filled with tension and stress, and I feel like I am being stretched in too many directions by the demands on my time and what little energy I can muster each day. My life has been a struggle so far, and there is no end in sight. "See a doctor," you might say, as if I haven't tried over and over and over and over and over with no solutions and dwindling hope.

In the wider world, the economy is worse than the politicians say. Biden wanted to claim massive success. Trump wants to claim he is making America great. It ain't swell, and the prospect of finding work while fighting invisible illness is daunting to say the least. That is all deeply, indescribably discouraging even without the looming threat of more foreign wars. The Global War on Terror, multiple "once in a lifetime" economic recessions, a global pandemic which was overshadowed by destructive global authoritarianism, inflation rates far outpacing the official numbers, and other external factors beyond my control.

This isn't some kind of desperate cry for help, a threat to ahem "unalive myself," or the like. I'm just trying to find words to express what I'm going through. If you haven't experienced it, you cannot possibly understand. If you share these daily battles, I salute you. We carry on.