Hunger Strike For Your Cause: New Diet Plan Turns Political Rage Into Weight Loss
"Political outrage? That's renewable energy."
Tel Aviv, December 25 - An Israeli entrepreneur hopes to wed the emotional valence of the country's polarized politics with the promise of the society's weight-loss market: his initiative will identify social issues that animate the client most, and leverage the feelings behind those issues - resentment, rage, envy, fear, greed, and the like - to spark the motivation necessary to embark on a well-publicized, demonstrative abstention from foodstuffs aimed at generating political pressure to serve the client's pet issue.
The program, dubbed "CauseFast," was unveiled this week by Tel Aviv-based startup founder Avi Katz, who claims it combines the proven efficacy of intermittent fasting with the unstoppable drive of Israeli political activism. "Everyone here is angry about something," Katz explained in an interview. "Whether it's judicial reform, settlement expansion, the cost of cottage cheese, or the latest coalition crisis - why not channel that fury into something productive? Like fitting into last year's jeans?"
Clients begin with a detailed questionnaire to pinpoint their "trigger topics" - the hot-button issues that reliably send their blood pressure soaring. Options range from left-wing causes like ending the occupation or protecting democracy, to right-wing staples such as annexing territory or cracking down on "anarchist" protesters. Once identified, CauseFast coaches help craft a personalized hunger strike strategy: drafting press releases, coordinating media appearances, chaining oneself to symbolic locations, and live-streaming the ordeal on social media for maximum visibility and sympathy pounds shed."
Traditional diets fail because motivation fades," Katz said. "But political outrage? That's renewable energy. One viral clip of a politician dismissing your demands, and you're good for another week without falafel." The program includes medical supervision to ensure participants don't cross into actual health risks - "We want dramatic weight loss, not martyrdom," he emphasized - along with hydration tips and electrolyte packets branded with slogans like "Hunger for Justice, Thirst for Change."
"Hold that thought," he added. "I also have an idea for those who want actual martyrdom, but the financial side has to be worked out."
Early adopters are reportedly thrilled. One left-leaning participant, a 42-year-old from Herzliya, lost 8 kilograms in two weeks while protesting government corruption. "I haven't felt this energized since the Balfour demonstrations," she shared. A right-wing client from a West Bank settlement credited his 10-kilo drop to daily rants against "leftist traitors." Both plan to continue until their demands are met - or bathing suit season arrives, whichever comes first.
Katz envisions expanding CauseFast internationally, targeting polarized societies like the U.S., where clients could fast over elections, guns, or abortion rights. "Imagine the market," he mused. "Anger is the one thing we're never short on."
Critics have dismissed the venture as tasteless, arguing it trivializes genuine protest tactics historically used by figures like Gandhi or Palestinian prisoners. But Katz remains unfazed: "If it gets results - slimmer waists and louder voices - who's really hungry here?"
Please support our work through Patreon.
Buy In The Biblical Sense: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B92QYWSL