Polls Now Pitting Netanyahu Against Cheeses; 'More Credible Than Current Rivals'

Parmesan, while outpolling both Gantz and Lapid, fares poorly when pitted against Netanyahu.

Jerusalem, December 16 - Surveys indicating that no politician registers favorably compared the incumbent Israeli prime minister, however embattled amidst war and scandal he may be, has researchers scrambling to find alternatives that might offer the political opposition some hope of unseating him in 2026, and they have now resorted to gauging the electorate's opinions of him vs. varieties of curdled milk product.

Opposition lawmakers and representatives of polling organizations acknowledged months ago that Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, though he has faced a raft of criminal proceedings since reassuming the office in 2022, and presided over one of the worst intelligence failures in the country's history, still registers with the public as more credible than anyone his rivals can recruit. Leaders of Opposition parties have scrambled to find a figure who might unite the disparate Left and Center-Left to build a coalition that can control the Knesset with at least 61 seats - with neither Benny Gantz of the Blue and White Party nor Yair Lapid of the Yesh Atid Party showing the potential to spearhead such an effort and claim the premiership. Instead, political official and political pollsters have begun exploring which varieties of cheese stand a better chance against Netanyahu than those two figures, and certainly than the has-beens of The Democrats.

Gouda has made a strong showing, statisticians observed this week, and analysts believe that owes much to the standard variety of sliced cheese in Israel resembling gouda - though most know it only as "yellow cheese." That distinguishes it from "white" cheese, which denotes a middling quality of spreadable soft cheese known elsewhere as quark.

Parmesan, while outpolling both Gantz and Lapid, fares poorly when pitted against Netanyahu; mozzarella, whether fresh or dry, has shown potential, but its limited use on pizza in Israel continues to hold it back, analysts explained, because Israelis have come to expect "yellow" cheese on their pizza, and they get what they deserve both gustatorily and politically.

Some varieties considered niche in the mainstream Israeli cheese market have proven a surprise, with burrata besting Lapid but not Gantz. Cheddar, though it enjoys name recognition, struggles to distinguish itself from the others, mirroring the situation facing the dozen or so former military figures who have weighed joining the fray under the bizarre assumption that they, unlike all the other former military figures in Israeli politics, have what it takes to change the rigid demographic reality, when in fact all they do is cannibalize their own side of the spectrum.

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