RE: I'm not important.
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Thank you. You really hit me, and I wrote to my daughter, whom I’ve seen maybe five times over the last ten years…
I don’t know your story exactly, but from this post it’s clear that ours are very similar. Even though we’re in different countries, it feels like the law works the same everywhere. Though, thinking about it, I seem to recall there are countries where child custody rights are granted to men in 99% of cases. But that’s also an imbalance, which probably isn’t any better than what we have.
Actually, that’s not quite what I wanted to say. As sad, painful, and hurtful as it is for me to think about this every time, I made a decision not to fight. Any strength I might have is not on my side. For every court case I file (which I won’t have the money for anyway), I’ll be answered within the law with sophisticated lies. That’s how it was and still is. And meanwhile, I’d be eating myself up inside and eventually end up drinking myself to death or in a psychiatric ward…
I decided not to consume myself from the inside. Just to be there, to wait, and to remind her of my existence regularly.
There’s even more to this than what I’ve written. I think we could talk about it for a whole day. Because this is a non-standard situation, both from the point of view of the law and of life itself. In my circle and among people I know, I’m the only one who was pushed out of communication with his daughter simply by having her brain washed daily. And trying to win back from my ex-wife two hours or two days a week, supervised or not, is a naive hope to change the world with one speech…
Once again, thank you. Stay strong!
!ALIVE
I did something similar. When I didn't know if I would ever see her again, I started writing a blog with her name. She'd find it if she every searched for it. Just in case. Fortunately, the mom ran out of money and energy and came back.
And even afterwards I always focused on what I could do. There was no help from the powers, and the mom won't ever change. For years, I traveled 16h on the bus every 4-5 weeks to stay 10 days around my daughter, with her. I had some right to see her, as long as I kept paying the child support (which of course I did). I took advantage of that to the fullest, and created an incredible bond that through persistence and patience evolved into Lily coming to live with me.
I did fight, yet not against the mother, but for my daughter. And there are many ways to do so, even writing letters, trying to keep in touch.
It's still very complicated, quite the minefield to be honest, but the more Lily grows, the more she knows, the more she starts thinking of her own and the mom is losing power, day by day. One day, we might just be equals before the child.
It’s really cool that you seem to have made it work! I hope that in the end, time will put everything in its proper place for me too. 🙌
I really hope the same for you! Your child has a right to have her father, even though the law doesn't support it. And children want to know us, too. Eventually.