RE: Erika and Charlie Kirk Fairy Tale: "Have More Children Than You Can Afford" and "Leave the Finances to Your Husband"
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People who say that kind of stuff are trash. I hate it when they talk from their privilege instead of taking the perspective of those they talk about. Of course they can pull it off, with everything they have. That goes for Kirk as well as priests (what do they know about marriage?) and politicians and everyone who wants to decide for others, convince others, but conquer them, impose his view of the world on them, without even thinking about stepping into their shoes.
I was incredibly lucky that way, having a quite progressive mother who ran the business. My father was her employee, officially, though they took most decisions together - it was just better for taxes and retirement pension. My father is still lucky that she always took care of those things.
I didn't know poverty until I came to Ecuador. It took a while to be invited to the most simple homes, as you say, many were shy about that. What I always loved most was the generosity that I met there. If there's an avocado tree around the corner, they bring you some. If they pick blackberries, they bring you some. I did, too, in a little bigger scale as my means were much more than theirs, yet nothing to write home about, either. But that's how it works for us.
I lived in two relationships with my partner depending on me. I couldn't. I have no problem with a chipping in with what I can, everyone by their means. But there has to be some kind of balance, and there wasn't. That's one of the reasons why I get along so well with Ellie - she's quite independent.
Thank you for this post!
It takes trust to let people in, to let them see what you are not proud of. You must have been a good friend to them.
For me, the issue between individuals needs to be worked out always with children in mind. We are free agents, until we have children. Then we have a responsibility that is larger than ourselves. Those lives are in our hands. It's an amazing thought...we have so much control and we don't realize it, as parents. Helping to mold people. For some 18 years that is our job.
I think, as a father, you realize this. That's something my father did not understand. You don't have to be a perfect parent, just try to be perfect :))
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.
Oh my, yes, that realization hit me like a freight train and it took me a while to get down from the "me" to the "us". Actually an interesting view on it, given my current situation, and a clue on why the mother is acting as she is. I'll have to think about this relation.
Anyway, for me it has been quite the journey to pivot around. I was always quite socially oriented, but never as much as to share my whole identity with another being. It's also part of my current relationship is working so well I think. Another interesting thought. I might just write a post exploring these two sides of the idea... :-D
I do hope your life is a lot better now. It does seem like it, that you learned a lot from all that bad happen, and that you won't repeat it.
I had a great mother. She gave me tools to survive, and to try to also be a good mother. I have been married to the same man for 53 years, and we love each other. I'm close to both my children, and I can pay my bills. What more do I want :))
I'm glad things are working out for you.