America Wins Another Round of “Whack-a-Cartel – Now Streaming in 4K Ocean Mode

U.S. forces have once again played target practice with a suspected drug boat — this time somewhere in the Pacific, because apparently the Atlantic leaderboard was getting overcrowded.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth confirmed that two “alleged” smugglers have been permanently retired from the drug trade.

Intel says the vessel was cruising along a “known trafficking route,” otherwise known as the world’s least relaxing cruise line. The Pentagon didn’t say exactly what was on board, but let’s be honest — nobody launches a missile over a box of mahi-mahi.

This marks the eighth strike since September 2nd and the first one in the Pacific. So congrats, cartels — your frequent smuggler miles just got converted into vapor trails.

But let’s not kid ourselves — there are still plenty of other ways the cartels pump poison into America. Every time we stop one shipment, ten more slither through.

Because whatever we’ve been doing for the last 50 years clearly isn’t working — we’ve got more drugs on our streets than Johnson & Johnson’s got baby powder, and at this rate, the cartels might start offering buy one, get two free specials.