Breaking News from Clown World Chicago: Invisible Police and ICE-Free Zones!

So in today’s episode of Clown World Chicago, ICE agents get surrounded, beg for backup, and the dispatch basically replies with, “Nah, you’re on your own. Try prayer.” Cops on the ground say leadership literally called off units, while the Superintendent swears there were officers on scene the whole time. Which must mean they were playing hide-and-seek instead of backup. Invisible cops — cutting-edge policing.

Meanwhile, Mayor Brandon Johnson is out here running a masterclass in “How to Make Your City a Sanctuary for Chaos.” He declares schools, libraries, and parks as “ICE-Free Zones,” because if there’s anywhere cartels should feel safe, it’s right between storytime and recess. He then orders the police not to cooperate with ICE at all. Imagine that: the city’s law enforcement gets told, “Pretend the feds don’t exist.” It’s like a kid plugging his ears yelling “LA LA LA, I CAN’T HEAR YOU” — except it’s city policy.

And because lawsuits are the new national pastime, Chicago teamed up with Illinois to sue Trump for daring to send troops. Because nothing screams leadership like suing the guy trying to put boots on the ground when your own streets look like a live-action Grand Theft Auto.

To top it off, Johnson calls ICE “rogue” and paints federal enforcement as a “war on Chicago.” Yeah, because the real enemy isn’t the gangs, drugs, or cartels flooding your city… it’s the people trying to stop them.

So grab your popcorn. Agents get attacked, backup’s a magic trick, the mayor’s drawing “Do Not Enter” signs for law enforcement, and lawsuits are flying like confetti. But sure — let’s all pretend to be shocked.